I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
