I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
