I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
