When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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