I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
