Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
