Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize