Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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