Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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