At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
