bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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