I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
