the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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