oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
