I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
