we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
