Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
