I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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