It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
