Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
