oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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