when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
