im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
