I'm going to jail i love you
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
