we have pet lesbian snakes
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
