:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
