I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
