Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
