I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
