Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
The air taste purple.
Randomize
