i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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