did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
