God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
