So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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