Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize