They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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