Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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