this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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