I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
