i permit you to call me
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
