her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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