I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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