i just had sex bonerless
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
