Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
