if i can run in heels then i can drive
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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