Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
