Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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