just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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