Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I would fuck him just for his dog
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
