he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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