God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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