"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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