chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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