The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
