Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
ok first of all what the fuck
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
