The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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