His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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