Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
