he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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