I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We're too hungover to prance.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
