The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize