she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
