I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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