So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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