I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
