Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
