Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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