dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
