i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
