so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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