and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize