Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We are two peas in an std pod
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
sex in a hospital.. check
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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